How to Burn a Pot Roast in an Hour

Step 1:
Brown seasoned roast in dutch oven. Add 2 quartered onions, 1 lb. carrots, 3 halved potatoes, skin on. Mmmmm. Smells so yummy!
Step 2:
Preheat oven to 350. Meanwhile, add 1 cup water to roast, bring to boil then reduce to simmer while oven heats.
Step 3:
To burn, go into your sewing room, and pick up a project, while waiting for roast to come to a boil. Be sure to close the door behind you, (Vital to the success of this recipe!) so that the smell of dinner cooking doesn't soak in to your fabrics. Get lost in your project.

Step 4:
Open the door to your sewing room 1 hr. later, and breath in the smoke that has accumulated in the kitchen from the now charred roast that you didn't turn down to simmer while the oven heated. Turn over the carrots, now a glazed black, the roast, and the potatoes, also the same color. Search for the onions that have now disintegrated into the bottom of your burnt dutch oven. If you have a hungry husband, may I suggest ear plugs at this point.
Step 5:
Throw out dinner, and order a pizza.