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Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Melancholy Moment

It's coming down. Chippewa School was my intermediate school, I attended from grades 4 through 8. Last night, I went to see the school for one more time, as it's being razed to make room for a new department store.
The doors were open, so I took my camera and went inside. Curiosity had the best of me.

In the seventh grade hall, I went into my former science classroom. How did we fit in here? It seems so small compared to my memory of this room. Twenty four kids and desks in this little space?
Going into the hall way, brought back many memories. See the drinking fountain? I, for as long as I can remember since going to this school, have had dreams that take place in this hall. In every dream, that drinking fountain and the bathroom doors it's between, have been in them. So when I saw the fountain, it was such a strange feeling that it was always there in the back woods of my memories. The thing is though, my memories of this school are not the best. In fact, I have to say that they were the worst years of my life. I had no friends, I was bullied, it's where I experienced my first panic attack which was the most horrifying day, and I was a skinny rail who couldn't eat without throwing up. The lunch ladies had to stay by me while I ate, which caused me even more embarrassment. I had one teacher who would humiliate me in front of the whole class because I wasn't scoring high on my math. So why does this school being torn down, cause me to feel so nostalgic? You'd think I'd be jumping for joy!
I guess what it comes down to, is no matter the experience, good or bad, it was a major part of my life which helped shape who I am today. It took many years to grow from this experience. At first, I was shy, timid, scared of my own shadow. (I don't think kids, or grown ups for that matter, realize what words can do.) Over the years though, I've come to realize that I'm much stronger, and in fact, "What doesn't kill you does make you stronger." I've learned that I am a person who doesn't have to take anything from anybody, that no one will ever put me in that position again. I can put that part of my life behind me, and move on from there. Confident, love myself again, and know I can forgive those who had such a negative effect on my life for so long, and now have the ability to forgive those who bring that into my life today.
So good-bye Chippewa, You were a building that helped build me. It just took me a long time to realize that. You will be missed.